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Looking for it...

I'm starting to wonder if in the meantime while I struggle to get started on this lifestyle of being healthy, if I should treat this as a legitimate blog in addition to a food/activity journal like I did before. I think maybe it will help me understand why I struggle and how I'm feeling when I do so that maybe I can pinpoint these things before they continue to be a problem, or I'll know how to react... does that make sense?

I started taking an anti-depressant today. My doctor gave me a prescription for one a few months back and I took it for about 3 weeks before I began to slowly stop taking them. I just didn't think they were necessary, but I am back to feeling like they are again. So today is day 1 back on them. I hope to remember in a month from now to update myself on how I feel and if I believe they are working. I guess my reason for sharing this information is because I'm hoping that my struggle with motivation may be related to the bit of depression I suffer from. If I can find a balance with that, maybe I'll have better luck staying upbeat and motivated to change my lifestyle.

Today I skipped breakfast... I ate two peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches and popcorn for lunch. Not a healthy choice... I'm not quite sure I should continue to consider myself on this new lifestyle just yet.... My heart isn't in it and I'm not even remotely motivated to do this- i just thought since my old friends were getting back on the bandwagon I should try too, but I'm not there yet and I can't force it... But I'm hoping that by staying active on LJ, I can soak up some motivation from you guys and over time just start making better decisions to feel like part of it all again....

I know it all sounds like excuses but I remember 5 years ago when this came just SO easily for me and I'm not in that position right now. And the ONLY time I've ever been successful eating right and exercising to lose weight was when my heart was in it... and it did- it just came SO easily.

In fact, I am thinking about buying a new treadmill.. I just sold my old one to get it out of my living room and out of my house.. but it was also older, slightly falling apart, and it was too big. I'm thinking of looking into getting a smaller one to put in my back bedroom, something that will get me back into running without me having to join a gym or struggle in front of people.... It worked so well for me 5 years ago... maybe I would have luck with it again. I am not sure how much they cost or how small they come but I think I'm going to look into it...

I know this entry is all over the place but I'm actually on a conference call as we speak and my brain is all over the place... I probably need to go pay attention now. But I want to make this journal an active, purposeful thing again until I find that motivation that I'm currently lacking....


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 28th, 2015 12:09 am (UTC)
Even if you don't eat well, LOGGING helps a lot, then you can look back and look for patterns. Do you realize sometimes why you go into the fridge and why you eat? For me I thought it was always because I was hungry. But A LOT of the time it was because I was angry or anxious. When I get into a fight with Daniel I usually open the fridge, but not 50% of the time I think twice and close it, but I have realized this is a reaction/conditioning I have done to myself from when I was younger.

Yes, you are a product of the people around you, so it is a good idea to stay on LJ and follow other people that will inspire you :). I have a couple of friends that are active on here, but over the past few days I have this fire in me. Like, I wake up in the morning, and I WANT to have a good day because I just can't wait to blog about, whether people are reading or not (I really hope people are reading though lol).

No matter what, I love reading your entries and I am always listening!! <3
Aug. 29th, 2015 01:23 pm (UTC)
I had a whole comment typed up for you Antonette, and the I realized it would make a good entry. So I deleted it and you get this. hahaha… go read my post- it was intended for you originally. hahah
Aug. 29th, 2015 08:47 pm (UTC)
I have kept blogging lately even when I'm not doing great weight wise. It's nice to be able to look back on a bunch of things in life. Also you're totally right. I think it would definitely help.
Sep. 2nd, 2015 02:55 am (UTC)
So that's my plan with this blog. And funny/maybe I actually called me doctor yesterday to ask to be restarted on antidepressants too. I have been hoping that helps me. I also got my parents old treadmill and put it in my living room now. I think the living room looks so cramped and terrible with it but its there. Have I used it yet? No... but its there...?
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )



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