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The night before...

I've been gone for a while. A long enough while to have gained back all 40lbs I lost (and then some)... After an extremely rough end-of-year in 2012, and a bad break-up in early-mid 2013, the depression kicked in and I eat my emotions. I also get sluggish and vritually become a sloth. So needless to say I'm likely at my highest weight ever currently. I can't weigh in today as I'm sitting in a hotel in West Virginia and have no scale. I won't be able to weigh in the morning for that same reason so I am going to guess my starting weight at 212. Even if I'm guessing a pound or 2 high, I've seen that number in recent weigh-ins so I feel as though it's not a stretch to start there. My first weigh-in will be next Wednesday and we'll go from there.

I have no idea how I'm going to do on this go round but with support from my favorite internet weight-loss buddy, gethawt_getfit, and support from those of you who are still around, maybe I'll find that motivation that seemed to come so easy five years ago and be successful. My life has changed SO much in the past 5 years at the same time it's stayed a lot the same. So hopefully I can find some sort of middle ground to get my routine back in order. So here it is:

Starting Weight:  212lbs
Current Weight: somewhere around 212lbs
Goal Weight:   145lbs
Lowest Weight:  167lbs

I plan on exercising at least 5 times a week (6 if I can find that damn motivation!) and keeping logs of what or how I eat each day. I need you folks to keep me accountable please! I will post before pictures as soon as I'm home to take them and good God are they going to be terrifying to share. But I know you guys have been with me before and seen me do it and can help to convince me that I can do it again.

So many deep, internal reasons for wanting to do this- I can say it's all because I want to be healthy and feel good, but truth be told, I'm doing it because I'm tired of hating what I see in the mirror. I'm tired of blaming myself for losing the only person I've ever truly loved. Even though I won't get him back, I want to feel like I could so that I know us being together is because I CHOOSE it to be that way, not because I scared him off by gaining so much weight. I also am so shallow that I look forward to an annual work event where the people I only see once a year will say "wow, Kelly you look phenomenal! Good for you!".... that's always uplifting! lol.... so here goes nothing you guys... Tomorrow is day one, again, AGAIN. Also, follow me on instagram - my username is skinny_nonbitch on there as well.

Here's to progress!

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
gethawt_getfit
Aug. 26th, 2015 02:15 am (UTC)
I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU TO BE ON LIVEJOURNAL, I CAN'T EVEN CONTAIN MYSELF! ALSO LOVE THAT YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING ON INSTAGRAM! Follow my friend ari_fate (she has commented on recent previous posts). She is blogging and has an Instagram, too. She lost 7 pounds! She's about two weeks ahead of me.

Are you going to do MFP, too? I never end up going on there because it's too many apps and tabs for me to follow through with lol. But I am going to try!!!

So much has changed, yet so much remains the same. It's crazy how fast time has gone..just...wow.

Take before pics but you don't necessarily have to post them. I took before pics and never posted them. I figure I will when I make some progress or in a few months.

I am doing it for the same reason as you. It's SO HARD to start. It's a bit hard for me to keep going, but it gets a bit easier every day. I just feel so flabby, even my face and my neck, and like I am a cushion. I don't feel "pulled together." I don't know how to explain it. When I feel good about myself, I absolutely love clothes. Now...I just don't care. i want to care again and get excited to go out and look good in every day life.

We're in charge, and we can do it. Soon enough we will be seeing progress, and I think you can wow lots of people at holiday parties. Hell you wow me all the time on Facebook with how beautiful you are NOW (even though you are Facebook detoxing -_-).

Xx
skinny_nonbitch
Aug. 26th, 2015 02:20 am (UTC)
I went to ari_fate's page and it said the account was deleted and purged... that's weird! have her add me so I can see if I can add her back.

I am going to try to do MFP too because it helps me to balance my meals and choose the right foods. I think that's the hardest part for me for sure.

And you're right I'll probably take the before pics and not share them until later. Thanks for the compliments- I know we can do this! I don't think you're like a cushion but I 100% relate to how you feel. I look in the mirror and just see the fat in my face and my chain/neck. I gross myself out. I just want to feel like my body doesn't look swollen because that's how I feel- swollen. And I'm not- I'm just fat. And I've learned fat isn't an insult, it's the truth. I just don't want to be fat anymore. A little extra weight, I don't mind, but I don't want to be "fat"...
vanillacoffee
Aug. 26th, 2015 03:15 pm (UTC)
I feel you. I've gained about 25 pounds back & just moved & am "starting over". Adding you on IG, and def here for support! <3 I absolutely believe in you.
skinny_nonbitch
Aug. 26th, 2015 03:22 pm (UTC)

Thank you so much! I know we can do this! I wish i had only gained 25lbs! Lol

loveitblonde
Aug. 26th, 2015 06:15 pm (UTC)
Yay to fresh starts!
proj_perfect_me
Sep. 1st, 2015 04:59 am (UTC)
I'm so happy to see you here and I will
catch up with all your entries tomorrow. But yes I totally understand I definitely gained back and then some from my last attempt. Breakup weight gain is always the worst for me too. I'm sorry that was so bad on you ❤️❤️ and hopefully you have found a way to move on.
I'm so excited to get back on track and really lose the weight this time. It's time, we are all older and maybe wiser now. I think we can do this for keeps now!
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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